2008.03.25 Somewhere Back in Time

...And Unknown Space. (not to be confused with the current Iron Maiden tour)
When I say 'unknown', I actually refer to both time and space, more exactly to my latest tries of self-knowledge. Over the last few years, one of my biggest problems has become the way to recognize myself: tracking the differences between what I am now and what I had been, making a parallel between the past and the recent present, judging whether this evolution is good or bad.
Nevertheless, I am concerned with one thing. I don't really know if it's an evolution indeed. There have been notable successes and satisfactions: 4-time National Classical Languages Contests, best result at French contest so far, a.s.o. , but I could have had it so much better...
Are the tides of time and change flowing so quickly? Is it just too ordinary, the routine? Maybe I have felt that before: this disability to adapt to 'my-new-self'. Maybe I am too conservative, but it's rather a feeling of redundant, of an 'overbanalisation' created by useless classes added there to our education because that is the will of the innumerable ministers who have adventured through the government just to do nothing more, or sooner to worsen the situation.
Some people may know, and some should be convinced that what I said now is not generally right and valid. This concern regards in fact my spiritual and intellectual levels. That seems to me clearly visible during the speech, which is another mirror of someone's 'paideia', or education. It is a lament for the time wasted in vain.
'The reason?'
'Convenience; the lack of an impulse from the self, the conviction that tomorrow is another day, I have all the time at hand.'
'The solution?'
'I have to wake up and to exit this seal of blindness, this circle of my own... to become less elusive from the reality and to transform this frozen time which I live in into a synchronized perception of the real time; even though we are slaves captured under the veil of a few dimensions like the ones mentioned here, or sometimes of our own mind and... '
...And now, when I say 'present', the time becomes infinitely and irreversibly 'then', and it is actually hard to notice that we live in the past. It is only space which still remains relatively 'there' and so, as we knew it was a few moments ago.